Saturday, November 18, 2006

Sweet Surrender

Sure, Sweet Surrender is the scent of my deodorant, but it's also an inspiration. There are many things I must simply surrender to. I have to "give".

I put up our outside Christmas lights today. Sure, some of you may wince and say I'm crazy, "Christmas already?". We like to turn on our outside lights on Thanksgiving and I was getting a start on it while Miles was napping today. I had five sets of those retro colored lights. Lights I remember from childhood. Lights that make me think of "A Christmas Story" and Charlie Brown. I love 'em, and I was stringing them on the shrubs outside, working on the final strand, when they all went out. Hmm... Chevy Chase moment you say? Why, yes it was, in fact. I was thinking "Oh God, Rob was right, I strung too many together". Nothing makes me wrinkle my nose and say shucks faster than having Rob "tell me so". He informs me that the fuse on the first set is blown and proceeds to replace it. Exactly four minutes later it blows again. This is where the "told you so" part comes in. I surrender. They are hung, they are strung, they are staying put. How we get around to powering them up for the big switcheroo on, well, we'll figure that out later. I give.

Last night we brought the boys to Build A Bear to .... well.... build a bear. They each had birthday money we set aside for this treat and I was sure they would love love love it! I had heard that this endeavor could get a bit pricey, so I waited till the birthday season when lovely Grammies and Grampas send checks. We were armed with cash and revved up to stuff the life into little bears. We got there and instantly Miles was overwhelmed and in his own land far far away. While there were about thirty different animals to choose to stuff, Miles was intently focused on a pair of socks at a nearby display. I held up three choices for him, which he looked at carefully and dropped on the floor. Hell, the socks were far more interesting! Finally, I picked a cute little dog for him that he had showed a minute of interest in. Max was armed with his cute monkey and we headed to the next phases, sounds and then the stuffing machine. Whatever we had to do, Miles was busy somewhere else, caring less what we wanted him to enjoy. Max was at the perfect age and loved every second of it. His monkey is decked out in fabulous black jeans complete with wallet chain, a fleece hoodie, sketchers sneakers, joe boxers and even his own battery operated camera phone. He was a little pissed when I made him put the safari hat and mini guitar back and pointed out loudly as we were leaving that he REALLY wanted that miniature hockey set for "Eric". Miles, well, we were lucky to get him interested in one Cookie Monster t-shirt for "Doggy" and Rob grabbed a leash for him out of desperation to get him something. We checked out and my total was $93. While Max dug it, Miles was not going to participate in my forced birthday fun at any cost. We got home from dinner and I said "Here Miley, here's Doggy!!". Miles looked at this white fluffy dog and launched him across the room with a final "NO". You just can force love. I surrender.

Today my little Miley turned two. My little baby is a baby no more. I don't know where the time went, all I know is that it kicked me in the ass on the way by. How can Miles be walking and talking.... climbing and jumping.... yelling "POOP at the top of his lungs in the grocery store...? How can he be such a little dude when it was just YESTERDAY I brought him home and watched his big brother cradle him in his arms? How can he be climbing up on the bathroom sink for a drink of toothpaste when it was just YESTERDAY that I was nursing him to sleep after a feast at his first Thanksgiving dinner? I don't know...I surrender.

Tis the birthday season here in the Jordan household. The boys have had their fair share of gifts and cake (more on the way tonight! Whoo Whoo!). Today however, there was a guest of honor at Miles' birthday. Thomas the Tank Engine. Many of you do not know Thomas yet. I admire that. I miss that, really. For Thomas has become a member of the family in some ways. Miles has become... shall we say... obsessed? He got a new train set, a Toby character from Thomas and Friends, a Thomas Aquadoodle Mat and a Thomas coloring set. There was not ONE blessed thing today that did not involve our new friend. Even the scrumptious cake on the agenda tonight is a Thomas cake. Got Thomas questions? Ask away, we are on the way to being experts. I am typing this to the faint sound of the Thomas theme song playing on the t.v. upstairs. I am drooling at the thought of eating that Thomas cake. You know what? I surrender.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Sadness Understood

Last Thursday morning our brother-in-law, David, passed peacefully at his home from a long illness. His wife, Sharon, had nursed him daily for months and endured an amount of stress I cannot even fathom. He leaves two boys, ages ten and six. We spent several days with Sharon and the boys trying to help in any way we could and be supportive.

What struck me is how resilient children can be. All the kids played happily together, as if it was any other weekend visit. Laughter and the normal bickering, and running around the house ensued. The adults dealt with their pain and sadness in other ways; there was plenty of beer, plenty of tissues, plenty of consoling words. I witnessed some touching moments over the course of that sad weekend. Something struck me deep, though.

Max was talking to his cousin Evan:
"Are you pretty sad about your Dad, Ev?"
"You know, his body was just wore out and couldn't hold on anymore."
"But, it's ok, cause he went up to be with Jesus."
"Hey you know what? I got a new pack of Pokemom cards we can trade!"

In the minute it took for those words to unravel on our end of the phone, I realized that kids do know what is going on. They just deal with it differently. They aren't tactless, they are honest. They are blunt, they are sincere. David's body did just wear out and David did go live with Jesus. It couldn't have been said better.

Oh the Mystery

This morning was like any other morning. Rob was getting out of the shower in our bathroom, I was lying in bed trying to wake up, and Max was quietly playing Game Cube until it was time to turn on the news for Mommy. All was quiet from Miley's crib. Then, Miles saunters into our room with a toy, hops up on the bed and says "Pway Mommy". Rob looks confused. "How did you get out of your crib Miley?", he asks. I shrug, Max says he didn't help him and Miles is too busy with his shape sorter to be bothered by such interrogation. So, the news of the day is that my barely-two-year-old climbed out of his crib for the very first time today. That is a feat, I might add, that my eldest never bothered with, as he was supremely happy in his cribby. I will have to keep a close eye on this monkey so I can catch him in the act. Oh Lord, is it time for a big boy bed ALREADY?

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Five years ago

Five years ago, my life was suddenly redirected. Five years ago I stopped being able to up and leave the house spur of the moment. Five years ago I stopped having a good night's sleep. Five years ago I started being "on call" every moment of the day. Five years ago it became socially acceptable for someone to throw up all over me without so much as an apology.

Five years ago I held a baby boy in my arms and wept at what we'd created. Five years ago I started feeling the joy of being needed. Five years ago I felt a purpose in my life for the first time. Five years ago I became a mom.

Max turned five yesterday. It was a big day! For both of us. I am a mom and I have two children! Whoa. Some days I have this overwhelming feeling that I am screwing everything up around me. That I should be doing things better, being more patient, parenting better... Then I reflect that five YEARS have passed and we are all just fine.... better than fine. We are good. I have survived momhood for five years and my little boy is happy and healthy. I never gave him a complex feeding him with bottles and he didn't die when he rolled off the bed at five months old. (YIKES). TV didn't rot his brain (yet...) and a bee sting wasn't the death of him. So far I've been able to answer all his questions without too much difficulty. So far I've been able to heal all his boo boos. I thank God that we have each other. Five years of this!

I am a mom. I have been a mom for five years. I've been blessed with love.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Adventures with EasyLock

You know, whenever you see something that says it's easy to figure out, easy to install, easy to do-it-yourself.... it's all a lie. Nothing is ever as easy as it's supposed to be. Nothing ever goes as planned. Nothing is ever simple and straight-forward. Oh, wait, perhaps that's just at our house.

Since we bought our home here in MA, we have dreamed of the day that we could rip up the ratty old carpet in our dining area, and replace it with something waaaay more practical and, um, clean. We planned to tackle this project last weekend and purchased our supply of laminate wood flooring. I suppose I should clarify... Rob planned to tackle this project as I am a self-proclaimed nitwit when it comes to home improvement. Seriously, I can paint fairly well and I can use a drill to install curtain rods. I do not reach beyond that scope, I know my limits. Anyhoo, Rob said "this would be easy", "should go quickly", and many other reassuring quotes that made me feel secure in starting the weekend. Friday night we ripped up said carpet. God-awful, disgusting, dirty, smelly job that was. (People, let me just start by saying, if you have asthma or allergies, GET RID OF YOUR CARPET). We had things fairly ready for the following day.

Then things got interesting. Turns out EasyLock is not as easy as we all thought. There are things that took way longer to figure out. Hallways are not easy to do. The instructions they show you are of a plain square room with no doorways or trim work. Bastards. After a whole Saturday of cursing and wrangling boards in the hallway, Rob finished a 3x5 area. Now, let me say that there were many cuts to be made and many odd sections to be finangled, it was a lot of work for poor Rob. Then, Sunday we kicked EasyLock butt. I joined in the fun because I feared Rob would torch the pile of flooring he had left. That, or let out a stream of obscenities in front of the children that would sear into their brains for the rest of their lives. LOL. I actually learned quite a lot and it wasn't so bad working as a team.

To update, Rob is now finished with the floor and all the thresholds. He just has to put trim back up and we are all done. Overall, we have faced much, MUCH worse projects that went askew, and the end product looks maaavelous dahling. There were just some things we learned about ourselves and projects that are "supposed" to be easy to install. First, it's better to be a team. Working alone can be frustrating and having a second pair of hands and second opinion is valuable. Second, never EVER listen to all the hype, it's never going to go as smoothly as they say it will (unless you are a skilled laborer). Always plan for an extra day of work even if you think it will only take you one.

So, there, that's the EasyLock story. We have done our first major DIY project here at the new house and I can already see that Rob is going to be the floor nazi about the dining room. No throwing toys on the new floor, no wearing shoes on the new floor, no horsing around on the new floor, no swearing around the new floor, no bad energy near the new floor... ummm... I digress.

One last note to all you do-it-yourselfers.... if we can do it, you can too.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Yes, it's true, I have THAT much money!

I do, I have soooo much money that I will throw away over a hundred dollars without a thought to a few kiddie rides, one over-hyped water ride and some darned expensive Coke. Throw in some torrential rain, a wild thunder and lightening show with four children under the age of five and you've got some FUN FUN FUN! Read the full story at Milkweed Hill!

Thank goodness we joined up with good-humored family for this outing, otherwise there is the strong possibility it could've sucked. I mean it, we had a nice steak dinner with some wine once we were all home, dry and had the kids in bed. Here's to next time Ernie and Kay! Let's do Santa's Village instead, ok?

Did I Ever Mention...

...that I have an addictive personality?? I get hooked on anything new I try. After having a relapse on smoking for the past several months, I finally did kick that silly habit of two or three sneaked smokes a day. Rob sighs with relief, for it totally disgusted him. Now, however, I find myself gripped with a new addiction. Knitting. I signed up for a knitting class for the month of September and last night was my third class. Apparently, knitting is one hot hobby nowadays. I don't know about being trendy, but I do know that I am hooked on wrapping tiny yarn around big sticks. It's very very soothing and makes a great companion to enduring Calliou for the third time of the day. I now know how to "cast on", straight knit, purl, and "bind off". I have finished a scarf, complete with fringe! I am a knitter, baby! Oh, and I'm totally serious when I say that everyone (everyone!!) is getting a scarf for Christmas this year. (evil laugh). So, now I can add knitting to my list of obsessive compulsions.... cleaning, reading, sleeping, etc.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

It's Been a While...

It has been a while, eh? I wish I could say that my life is so exciting that I got swept up in adventures and travel and I couldn't tear myself away for a moment to write about it. Bah, that ain't it. I am up to eyes in daily wrestling matches between the boys and dealing with a cat with fleas and trying to plan projects to do around the house. When I can sneak a few minutes I am buried in books, or perusing Ebay (yes, it's a sickness) or compiling a mountain of stuff for a yard sale I will probably never get around to having. That's it folks, just your basic boring stuff. I just haven't been blogging much, and I have no good excuse.

I decided though, that I better get back in gear. Pretty soon, good tv shows will be back on with the fall season and I'll be even less apt to come down here and write. I need to get into the swing of it. I'm taking a knitting class soon, too! Yes, of course I'm excited, and NO, I'm not 80 years old. I have always wanted to knit, and I just found a class today and registered. Everyone's getting scarves for Christmas!

The boys are doing well. Miles has been a very good boy and pees on the potty when we put him in front of it naked. He gets very pleased with himself once he finishes and rushes over to flush likes it's the most important thing in the world. Mr. Max is getting glasses, they should be in any day now. My darling little almost-five-year-old needs glasses already! Sniffle. Never mind the fact that both his parents are just about blind without their specs, but he's only four! He picked them out himself, and although I have a very strong suspicion he will end up looking like Ralphie from A Christmas Story, he will be soooo adorable. I am having a hard time with it though.... I got glasses when I was eight, and it changes everything... I hope he can adjust ok.

So, like I said, nothing to spectacular, just life. I will be better, readers, I promise. If Kristen can find time, I can too! Now, just wait till I get back from the town-wide yard sale day, then I'll have some stories!

Friday, July 14, 2006

Speaking Up

My little Miley guy is quite the talker lately. He parrots just about every word he hears and is even developing a little 'tude that's copied from big brother, Max. If I ask him to "come here please", he will follow up with "jus SEC, mommy". I can't even have a moment's peace in the W.C. for crying out loud. I hear loud banging on the door and a wee little voice asking "WHAT DOIN MOMMY? OOO IN BAFROOM MOMMY?". It's so darn sweet, really, being able to communicate with the little guy. He's at a fun age.

Max is wrapping up a whirlwind week at Vacation Bible School this week, and Monday was a big day. We went to drop him off in a room full of new kids. He looked around, scanning the other children, the tables, the set-up. I had a big knot in my stomach, remembering my own experiences in a new situation as a kiddo. Max seemed to be fine (though I was practically in tears leaving him), and we said our goodbyes, gave kisses, and I wheeled Miley out in his stroller to the car. It wasn't until we were rolling out of the parking lot that a very upset little voice from the backseat said "UH, OH!!! IS SEAT!!!". He was emphatically pointing to Max's seat wondering why in the world we were leaving without Max. It was enough to reduce me to tears really. Not a car trip goes by without the two of them, and here is this observant little passenger telling me that I forgot one!

He's a cute one, that little Miles. Big talker, too. It's all so cute.... even though.... well, there are moments I didn't have to worry about with Max at that age. There was no older child influencing Max's vocabulary like Miles has now. There are days I just have to shake my head and shrug my shoulders and smile sheepishly at other parents when my toddler declares at the top of his wee voice "YUCKY POOPY, YUCKY POOPY, YUCKY POOPY!!". Yes, son, there are days like that.

Monday, June 05, 2006

A little slice of nature pie

When we moved into this house about a month ago, I zeroed in on three big overgrown ugly shrub-things in front our house. They are situated directly in front of our bedroom, essentially sealing off all light entering the room and creating a tomb-like atmosphere in there. I figured I would get around to chopping them down eventually. Then I found something. Upon opening the curtains in my bedroom one day, I discovered a beautifully crafted robin's nest snuggled in the ugly bush. It had hydrangea branches woven into it, truly beautiful. And there, in this recently built nest were three pretty blue eggs. All this took place in under two weeks! So, if anything was going to save the ugly bushes, this is the surest thing to do so. The cool part of it all is that I have my own little nature observatory right out my bedroom window!

When Rob comes to wake me up in the morning, I sit up, rub my eyes, pop my glasses on and peek out the window to check on Robbie and the Robinettes. They hatched just days ago. This morning there were three fluff balls holding their hungry beaks to the sky, waiting for their morning meals.

To my surprise, the boys really aren't that interested. Max has looked out a handful of times and Miles could care less. It's really my own fascination. Well, mine and Rosie's... I find her many a time standing on her hind legs staring out the window.

Some day my babies will be old enough to fly off and leave the nest.... sniffle. That will be a sad, sad day.

Been Tagged

Well, Kay has tagged me, so I will comply and list my "favorites with kids"...

Four places I'd like to take my kids on vacation

1. Alaska
2. Iceland
3. Spain
4. Disney World

Four shows I like to watch with my kids

1. Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius
2. America's Funniest Home Videos
3. Arthur
4. Baby Mozart

Four restaurants I like to go to with my kids

1. Friendly's
2. The Haraseeket Inn (shout out to Jimmy James)
3. McDonalds (yes, that's right! They have a playland and the food is fast and cheap!)
4. Any Chinese place close by (NOTE: Eating out is not very enjoyable right now with an 18 month old. Many food objects are projectiles and much screaming occurs. This list will evolve as my youngest learns how to behave in public :)

Four things I want my kids to be good at

1. Being kind to all people
2. Sharing what you have (love and possessions)
3. Being responsible and taking care of themselves and their family (some day!!)
4. Seeing God in everything and everyone around them

Four websites I visit daily

1. Milkweed Hill
2. Big Red Blog
3. Ernesto's
4. Jimmy James

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Haircuts are from Hell

My oldest is four years old and down right HATES having his hair cut. I can do a pretty decent job with the hair trimmers and it saves me $10-12, but he throws such a fit, it's almost worth it to bring him somewhere and save myself the aggravation. Several months ago before the move I gave in and brought him to Super Cuts. I thought the stylist would be in tears by the end of it, he was such a pain. He complained that she was pulling his hair, he would cower and cry and say that she had pinched him with the trimmers. He would get out of the chair and try to slink away. He was a pain. This is all a show of course. I think Super Cuts would definitely be out of business if the trimmers pinched all the customers. He likes the look and feel of a fresh buzz, but cannot deal with the process. The problem is that he has a veritable forrest growing on his noggin and it gets downright bushy.

Rob and I have been noticing that wee beast's hair was in need of a trim of some kind, too. He has long blonde wisps that curl when he's hot or out of the bath. I love those little curly curls... sigh. But, the time had come to trim, and that is just what I did. Wee beast was first and was so enraptured with the entire process he sat like a little angel on the toilet seat and let me buzz him. Presto, he was done. Next came big beast. Not so easy. After all the tears and sweat and complaining, the boy's hair was done and the bathroom looked like a Wookie exploded in it.

I sure hope he grows out of these hair cut catastrophes. I try to put them off as long as possible, but every few months I have to suck it up and cut. Pictures coming soon.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Teeny Tiny Toad

I'm sorry. I should've known that by squealing with delight and pointing you out, your morning might get a jolt of terror. I, as a human, was only trying to teach my 4-year-old about nature and the lovely fact that here in our very own backyard we could find a dime-sized frog hopping about. Little did I know that the next 30 minutes of your life would be spent squeezed in and out of a grimy, pudgy little paw, only to be dropped to safety three feet down and then grabbed back up into hand hell. I realize now that you probably wanted desperately to get away from these giagantic looming faces above you, one with a booger river and dirt smeared from eye to chin, one with cherry red cheeks and a twinkle in his eyes. You finally made your gettaway under our deck stairs, much to the dismay of cherry cheeks. I sighed with relief, though, little froggy friend, for I did not need to add frog funeral to my day's to-do list. I'm sure you have quite the story to tell your little frog family and so does my little cherry cheeks. You added an enormous amount of excitement to our day and it's but 10:12am!

Monday, May 01, 2006

Moles, wherefore art thou, Moles?

Argh, MOLES! I discovered in Maine a few weeks before we left that we had moles. I never saw a trace of them last year, but all of the sudden there were tunnels all over the place and fresh mounds of dirt here and there. I thought to myself, phew, so glad we're moving and I don't have to deal with THIS headache. Hah, I thought, I will let someone else deal with the problem! We moved, and have a georgous big hilly yard behind the house the kids were itching to play in. So, we headed out to play right off the bat and I was walking about, taking it all in, assessing the lawn, the trees and shrubs. Something caught my eye.... it was... a mole tunnel. DAMN I thought! They followed us to Massachusetts! The next time I think I've escaped an obstacle, I should give myself a healthy wack of reality. I don't know, though, I think I will just try to cohabitate with the mole family we share a yard with. I certainly don't feel like trapping anything and they were here first... Why make a mountain out of a mole hill?? Oh, I just HAD to use that!!!

Freshed Baked Cookies, Crooked Fingers and a Freezer Full of Dog Hair

Well, we've moved. Sound the trumpets. It's offically over. The packing, Rob's three-hour weekend commutes home from work, the house buying/selling crappola and all that jazz. We are settling in here in Massachusetts and there are many great things about this place. On the day our belongings were delivered, our lovely neighbors (and Max's new best friend) came over with freshly baked cookies to welcome us. I've always wanted someone to do that! I was so impressed and delighted and they've turned out to be a very sweet family. Max has a new playmate now and he is outside all the time with her. We have a great big deck that overlooks a great big field with a great big hill that Max loves to ride his new bike down. Fun, fun!

This house came with headaches, too, though and we are dealing with them as they become apparent. First and foremost, this place was filthy. The previous owner had three dogs and a strong distaste for cleaning. The dog smell overwhelmed us that first day and encouraged my very own Rob to sprinkle several cans of carpet freshener about the place and vacuum. I think I may have actually shed a few tears of pride. But we dealt. Then I decided to take on the task of cleaning the kitchen so that I could unpack some important things like coffee, mugs and sugar. That turned into a very horrible job as the cupboards were all covered in their fair share of dog fur and smell. I finally got them scrubbed inside and out and went through about six rolls of shelf liner paper and was able to put things in them. Then, I needed to clean the frige. People.... if there is one place you wouldn't expect to see dog fur, it's in the freezer. But, low and behold, there, among the dirty filth was fluff after fluff of fur. Then I cleaned behind the stove and fridge and somewhere in there Rob and I took turns cleaning the inside of the oven. I have to admit something to America....... I had never cleaned an oven before. I took one look at the can of Easy Off and shuddered with fear. But, it made one hell of a clean oven! As for the kitchen floor, I will sum it up to this, three different kinds of cleaning products, five hours, and two pair of hands with crooked, gnarled fingers later, I actually feel safe walking barefoot on our kitchen floor. Phew.

I know, it sounds like we moved into a crack house or something. It's nothing that extreme, but filth really doesn't describe it closely enough. I'm fairly certain that a forty doesn't belong under the bathroom sink, so that may or may not explain some of the issues.

Even so, the house is surely coming together. We made our maiden voyage to the local Home Depot for odds and ends and it's beginning to come together. Nothing beats having internet connection and t.v. though. I almost hugged the Direct T.V. guy when he showed up this morning!

So, if you were wondering how things were, now you know. But don't worry... you know me well enough by now don't you? If someone's going to clean this place right, it really ought to be me!! When you come for a visit, you can rest assured that there will be no trace of dog hair!

Monday, March 27, 2006

When you're a parent, you're never off duty...

In a conversation with my sister yesterday I was explaining to her how you are never truly off duty when you have kids. Especially when you're significant other (if you have one) is off for a week at a time working. This hit home for me early this morning. It was 4:44 a.m. to be clear. From the room next to mine I heard Max calling out to me, "HEY, MOM.... MO-O-O-OMMY..... MOM, can you come HERE?". He was just calling out to me like I was watching t.v. in the other room or something. Listen kid, I am sleeping, it's before 5 a.m., I'm off duty. But, he persisted and finally I heard Miles in the other room next to mine start in because something (hmmm) woke him up. I finally sat up with a growl and when reaching for my glasses, knocked over my water on the side table. Growl. I ordered Max into bed with me and he needed to immediately zip it. Thank goodness Miles decided to doze back off. I finally did have to get back up around 5:30, but at least it was AFTER 5 a.m. It's kind of crazy, but anything earlier than that and I just feel mad.

So, if that doesn't convince someone to never procreate, I have lots of other stories for them.

Friday, March 24, 2006

I'm Sick and You'll Probably Catch It

I'm sick again. I feel like I am one big sickness broken up by short bursts of non-coughing. Ugh.

It started with Max, made it's way to Miles in form of a fever (!?) and now it's hit me. Rob's due home today and he will then step across the threshold to germ warfare. Happy Birthday Sweetie.

This particular cold has hit me hard with violent coughing and night sweats. I can handle it ok.... I may not be the MOST patient mom this week, and I may not wake up in the morning fresh as a daisy. However, the thing that really gets me.... REALLY annoys me is when people see you are sick and make remarks about it. I dropped Max off at preschool yesterday and I was one step away from passing out cold on the steps. Seriously, I was dizzy and sweaty and all I wanted to do was drop Max off, get Miles down for his nap and curl up on my bed for an hour. I walk in the door and his teacher goes, "Oh, here's the sick family!". Ummm.... is that sympathetic commentary or an open invitation to stay back a few feet so the germs don't jump? People get nutty when they notice you are sick, really. You walk into a place and cough and you get the evil eye. Go home, sicky, we don't want your kind round these parts!

It actually gets me so irritated that I feel like going on a cold-spreading spree and infecting as many sick-phobes as possible. If only I could stand up for more than five minutes without feeling faint.... shucks. Maybe tomorrow. Wanna be my best friend? Be here in five minutes with some extra Puffs Plus and a new bottle of NyQuil.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Staking out the Dump

Well, it's time to make it official, we are moving again. We are saying goodbye to our little community in Maine and saying hello to Massachusetts! Rob has been residing at a hotel in Sturbridge, working at his new job and soon (hopefully), we will all be together again in our new home in Monson! Oh, and don't bother correcting anyone who pronounces it "MUNson", because you will be corrected by a native for calling it "MONson". As Rob pointed out, it follows the same rule as money.

Anyways, I realized that in a fitful cleaning spree several months ago I had very thoroughly purged our storage room of boxes and brought them to the dump. When we got word of the move, I felt like crying for the loss of my sturdy boxes. It's time again to play the box game. I downright refuse to buy (as in give someone hard earned cash) for a silly old box! So, that leaves me with a couple options.... #1 Ask everyone I know and see on the street if they have any boxes they want to get rid of, or #2 Dumpster Dive. I'm not much of a dumpster diver, really, but I have loitered a bit at the bailer at the town dump seeing if anyone's dropping off cardboard. Last week I hit the jackpot. I was bringing my garbage over and I noticed a guy hauling some boxes out of his truck. I ran up to him and said "Hey! Can I have those??". He looked at me like I was some kind of freak and shrugged his shoulders. SCORE! Then, over the weekend I was cleaning out our shed and made another trip to the dump and got another whole batch of good clean boxes. SCORE AGAIN! I give up all pride. Call me "Weird Dump Lady", whatever. I need boxes and I'll do what I gotta do!

So, did you know that boxes can serve as great fun to little kids? Next time the kids are whiny and bored, pull out an empty box and see the fun fly! I at present time have a box pyramid in the spare room and each child is sitting in their own box watching PBS right now. Ah... the power of cardboard.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

St. Jude's Trike-A-Thon and Lessons Learned

Friday was the much-anticipated Trike-A-Thon that Max had been gathering donations for! Rob had pulled out Max's teeny little bike, dusted it off, raised the seat, added air to the wee tires. That hog was ready to race. The helmet was given a shining and we were off to the event! James accompanied me so the wee beast couldn't destroy anything and we were set to have some fun. The gym was roped off into a big circuit, with the center roped off for the littler kids. Right off the bat my little athlete was warming up by running laps around the gym. Can you tell we've been cooped up too long?? He ran the perimeter of the room about three times, came up to the bleachers, took a few deep breaths and was off again. When it came to ride, he rocked! He was having so much fun humming the Mario Kart theme song to himself, I'm sure he thought he was part of the game! They broke for a short time to relish a couple donut holes and a juice box. Then came the announcement. One of Max's teachers directed the moms and dads to grab their child's bike and head out to the track with it. She proceeded to climb on the tricycle she had with her and started peddling it. At first, I was just frightened... then, I noticed the other parents starting to gear up for the event... I don't want to let my little Max down by being the fuddy-dud parent that won't participate. So, I did what I had to do. I grabbed his amazingly little bicycle and hunkered down on it. It took me a minute to tuck my knees behind my ears in order to reach the peddles, but once I had my feet positioned, I was OFF! Man, did I cruise... I flew past those other moms, all the while trying to ignore the searing pain of a bike seat inching up my behind. The look on Max's face was priceless! It went from sheer horror (What the heck are you DOING??) to delight! I was so proud of myself for being able to breeze past the other parents who somehow couldn't get the hang of peddling, I felt confident that I was like, THE coolest mom there! I made it around and unfolded myself and stood up. The training wheels looked a little off. I kicked at them and found that one or both of them had become a little bent.... hmmm. Max seemed to be able to ride ok on the second set, but I felt a little bad that I had messed up the wheels. I turned to James and said, "Maybe I shouldn't have rode on the bike?". He looked at me like I had grapefruits coming out of my ears and said "MAYBE? you shouldn't have rode on the bike????". He instructed me to look at the bike and then look at myself. Maybe's not an option here. Ok, ok, lesson learned. Just because all the other moms are doing it, doesn't mean I have to jump off that bridge too. And, just because I am so astonished that I CAN ride the bike, doesn't mean I SHOULD ride the bike.

In summary, Max's first charitable experience went great. He did an awesome job, even on his bent up bike. You rock little man!!

Monday, January 23, 2006

The Power of One Worm

Nothing can reduce to me tears like a bug. Nothing. I can handle a lot. Go ahead, crap on my carpet. I'll probably be pissed, but I can deal with it and clean it. I have tackled Mt. St. Crapmore with raising kids and it does not phase me. I can handle the fastest roller coaster and if given the chance would love to bungee jump. If I didn't have children I even would love to try skydiving. That kind of fear, the fear of flying kind of fear, does not have any hold on me. It's the creepy crawlie fear that makes itches on my skin and will make me sure my house is infested with at least a dozen varieties of spiders. I HATE BUGS. No, that's too specific. I ALSO HATE WORMS, CATERPILLARS AND MOTHS. EEW, just typing them creeps me out. I realize this fear is irrational and unfounded. I have never been attacked by a moth, and no spider has ever put me in the hospital. I could handle the thought of a burglar lurking in the bushes over the thought of a maggot in my trash can. Perhaps I need some kind of therapy. Oh, what the hell, I know I need therapy. Grubs scare the shit out of me.

Perhaps at this point you are wondering why the hell I'm spilling my guts about my inner most baby with you? Well, I'll tell you. Some of you will poo poo me and say, "I always knew that Cat Jordan was a sissy". BUT, some of you will shudder with horror at the mental anguish you can imagine I am enduring. Go ahead, shudder fearful anticipation.

Yesterday morning was an average morning. We were playing with the kids, having some coffee, I was working out the grumpies. I was walking down the hall when I noticed what looked like regurgitated black olive. Oh, you may think that sounds strange, but I'm not kidding when I say I've practically seen it all. I was muttering to myself "what the HELL" and planning to get a paper towel when I had two thoughts pop into my head. One: We haven't had black olives in over a week and, Two: It really looks more like a slug/worm kind of thingy that had exploded across the hallway. That second thought was upon closer examination and caused me to reel backwards and shriek out to Rob to get over here and look at this.

People, I recognize that bugs and caterpillars could conceivably get in a person's dwelling.... no big trauma. I just personally prefer someone else to deal with them. (I recall a few years back, frantically calling my sister-in-law, Kristen, to come and rescue me from a spider one day when Rob was working. She pleasantly assisted, and thank God, because if she hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to use my kitchen for the remainder of the day). One thing about this story might perk your interest, though, any thoughts? Ok, I'll tell you. It's FREAKIN JANUARY. Where in the name of cheese does a caterpillar come from in January??? Even after the thing was cleaned up I was feeling the buggy itches. I was turning on the hall light, the stairway light, the bathroom light. I needed to see every nook and cranny and decide if there were more of these THINGS lurking around. Rob and I could only think of one explanation. He had found one of Max's hats outside in the snowbank that had melted with our exceptional thaw this past week and it was soaking wet when someone threw it inside onto the stairs. I thought.. is it possible this creature came in with that hat that he had perhaps made his home? Rob concurred and I demanded he take the laundry downstairs and put in the load with the hat because the thought of going near it made me want to double my dose of Paxil for the day. So, today was the day I needed to tackle the rest of the laundry in that basket. I was nervous about it already as I walked downstairs, when, there, at the bottom of the steps something caught my eye. Want to know what it was? Another freakin worm thingy!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot tell you what happened to me this morning. My youngest was asleep and after pacing the family room about seven times, I wiped the tears away from my eyes and sweetly asked my oldest if he wanted to see a (gulp) cool worm thing. He said yes, indeed and came to attention. I then handed him a jar and the cat box scooper and said, "wanna scoop it in here for me?". He heartily agreed and when my tool didn't work so well, he used his fingers. It made me jump back in horror, but I never let him see me. You see, we bug-phobics have to keep it cool in front of our offspring.... I don't want to scar my little boy. I have to live with this debilitating fear myself, I wwould not wish it on anyone.

So, the thing is covered with a jar for hubby to inspect further and the laundry is going (thank God for Max's toy Robo-Arm, that came in handy transferring pieces of clothing into the wash) and I haven't seen anymore creepy crawlies yet. I don't know.... what can be done about my fear of teeny tiny critters? And don't tell me to watch more Fear Factor, because I think I will die.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy 2006

Hey! It's the new year! Big whoopit-ee-do-da. Why is there such a hub-bub about this? Nonsense, I tell you. Last night we went to Family Night at church for a potluck and some Guesstures and let the little beasts run around and wear themselves out. We got back home around 9pm and played a rousing game of CLUE with the self-titled Mr. Farts. (Don't look at me!! He's blood relation, but I still can't quite explain it! Shrug.) Anyways, I was dozing off by 11:30, sat up and demanded my glass of bubbly before retiring. I was a party pooper and called it a year about 20 minutes before midnight. You know what though? I wasn't sad about it, and I don't believe I missed anything. New Years' Eve eludes me, but I have to say, I do enjoy the champagne. So, I am wishing you a very happy first day of 2006. Go on, treat yourself to some Funny Home Videos. It's that time of night and that's just what Big Beast and I are heading off to do. Cheers!