Monday, November 03, 2008

The Amazing Mother/Son Fainting Duo!!

As I was laying on the couch in the basement yesterday, moaning in pain and sweating beads of cold sweat, it occurred to me that I may have passed on an undesirable trait to my eldest son, Max. I'm a fainter. He's a fainter. We are fainters.

It all started yesterday as I was sitting cross legged on an end table in the basement, watching Rob hang drywall. I am not the most poised person usually and could in fact be labeled in big bold letters "hopelessly clumsy". I wasn't concerned with this issue as I was perched on the end table downstairs. It's a sturdily-made hulking wooden beast of a bygone era we thought would be just the right touch in our basement/family room. Anyhow, as I was chatting away, I noticed the seat under my uhm, seat, was swaying backwards. In a cartoonish, slow-motion fashion, I flapped my arms in great sweeping circles, convinced that this action would surely reverse the tipping backward effect. It did not. Had I simply tipped over backward, things may not have been so bad. Girlfriend can take a fall (I already told you, I'm clumsy, didn't I?). However, our exercise machine, the Great and All-Powerful Elliptical, was situated just behind me. In my crash backward, the small of my back cracked down on the machine and caused blinding, drooling pain. Yes, I was indeed drooling. I hunkered over, only to come to seconds later to the blinding pain, Miles trying to ride me like a horse thinking it was some great fun game, and Rob losing his cool, yelling at Miles, kicking the dog away from me and peppering in frantic profanities. I passed out again and came to with Rob yelling at me "CAN YOU MOVE?!". Yes, but I don wanna. "CAN YOU FEEL YOUR LEGS!?" Ya, stop yelling at me, willya? "I THINK YOU MAY NEED TO SEE A DR." Oh, no, I have rehearsal this afternoon, then a skin care party, I just don't have the time. Oh, and not another bill right now, either. Yikes. Eventually, I made it up and over to the couch, where I iced my back and sipped some water and listened to Rob talking to his sister on the phone (she's a nurse) about how I should stop fooling around and be careful. He hung up the phone and mentioned about how Max had the same issue last year a couple of times. Oh Yeah! I thought.

Last Fall Max's class when to the wildlife sanctuary in town and were handcrafting some birdhouses. As he swung his hammer, he missed the target and hit his thumb. Having the same pain reflex as me... he fainted. The hammered thumb wasn't really all that bad. The concussion caused by his faint was. It meant a trip to the Dr., then to Baystate via ambulance. Very exciting business for a six year old. And then in the Spring, after a fall on the playground, he was on his way to the nurse's office for some cleaning up, when the whole situation just overwhelmed his little self and he went limp next to the teacher assisting him. After this, the school nurse and I discussed. Max is now an official "fainter" in the school's medical records and she now knows, if Max gets injured, watch out!

So, there you have it. We are an odd little pair. The "Oh-n0-it-hurts-I-think-I-may-just...hey-what-happened?" mother/son duo. You may want to document this in case we ever visit your home sometime, too.