Can I Get a Workout?

Exercising is one of my least favorite things in life. I would much rather park my pleasantly plump hind quarters on the sofa and read, knit,watch tv, anything other than working out. There's actually lots of excuses I'll use to postpone my thirty minutes of sweating goodness; "Boy, that kitchen floor could use a scrubbing, I should whip that up. While I'm over here, I'll just throw in another load of laundry. Hey, where is that other sock? I better check the kids' rooms. Holy Mother, look at this mess! Might as well pull all this junk out from under the bed, feed the fish, reorganize this closet, make the bed. Ok, laundry's underway. Oh darn, I can't find the cd I wanted to listen to. You know, my workout mix that gets me pepped. Well, I'll just burn another one really quick. Hmmm, is it my turn in Scrabulous yet? Kay really kicked my butt on that last game, I better take my turn before I forget.... Wow, 27 emails! How many of these are spam? Let's find out. Oh, hi Miles, yes, I know I said I was going to exercise, are you going to play downstairs while I'm doing it? Well, I see my breath down here, so you'd better get your boots and coat. Hah, hah, just kidding, but definitely wear your slippers, ok? Alright, here goes... music's cranked, kid is happily playing in sight. Did I turn off the coffee maker yet? I wonder what I should make for lunch. Huff puff, sweat sweat. Doing good.... it's really not that bad once you get yourself going... Sweet Mother of Mercy, what is that SMELL? Lawd, I'm gagging with every ragged breath I gasp for, what IS that? Oh, hi Rosie, I see you needed to use your litter box right now. I know, you're situated directly in front of me about five feet away. I'm not going anywhere, but I'll look away so you can have some privacy, ok? Sweet Mother, Rosie, that's one helluva stink bomb you just dropped. Good God. Ok, I'll just hop down from the elliptical for a minute and run that litter box into the other room and close the door so that I don't suffer asphyxiation from the noxious odor in the air. Phew, ok, my legs feel like jelly, but here I go again, I'm underway. Good song. What? What Miles? Where are you headed? Oh you have to poop on the potty? Ok, go ahead, give a holler when you are done and I'll run up and clean you up. Huff puff. You done? You WHAT? I'm coming... puff puff. Let me just run up the steps and get this taken care of. Oh, nuts. You pooped in your pants. Ok, well, I see you were trying and you just didn't make it. Let's get you cleaned up. Ok, all set, I'm gonna finish up my program real quick. Ok, back on board. Only five minutes left. Lord, help me. Good song. Yay, I'm finally done. Yes, Mommy's stretching... yes, you can stretch too. Yes, this is a good stretch for the back of your legs. Oh, well, yes, that was a loud toot. Whew! It's kind of stinky too, huh? I think I'm going to finish stretching upstairs. Next to the glade plug-in. Wow, I feel good after that workout. It feels good to have that accomplished, why do I always think it stinks so bad? I feel all pumped up! Why is it so hard for me to get motivated usually I wonder?